Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
