You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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