you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
