I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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