sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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