Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
