you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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