You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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