So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
