theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The best revenge is premature balding
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
