she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
