so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize