Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
