I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
