I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
