i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
