If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
