i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Barsexuality is the new black.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
