Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
