brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
