is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Green mimosas i think yes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
