She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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