dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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