One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize