Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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