haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Quick, to the slutcave!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize