Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Michael Bay diarrhea
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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