I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
