Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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