A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
