I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
