Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize