boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
