how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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