My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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