you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I touched a dick in church today
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
