I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize