Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
