heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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