you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
