Dual....:-)
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
