I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it's like heaven, but drunker
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
