I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
