Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize