Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
