You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
