It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
