If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
