I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
