It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
