i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
