I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
