i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize