Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I love you. Go after that dick
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