She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
