all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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