You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
