he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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