well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
