I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
