He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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