in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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