Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
