guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
