Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
