Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
