I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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