Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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