I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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