My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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