I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
