Your face is a jimmy john
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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